My desires…

 

It’s… embarrassing to say. A lot of things are, until you get used to them. It’s probably due to how I grew up…. Actually, how I grew up would be wrong. What happened when I grew up would be a better to put it. It’s a lot more negative to say it that way… but it’s a lot more accurate really. That’s not something to go into though.

But, I’d always like to be somewhat like a princess. I think? Some aspects of it. Having someone like a prince for me… But I think I’d prefer if that prince was a girl. I don’t know, I just do kay? Having someone by my side… having someone close to me. I should of taken the chance to make a child hood friend while I still could.

Every night and even now I’d imagine situations where there’d be a beautiful scenery and one person who kidnaps me so we can live a wonderful life together. That was common in my earlier years when I was like 6 to who knows when because I couldn’t sleep due to insomnia or something.

My imagination wasn’t just limited to things like that. I didn’t know there was a phrase for it and nor did I understand it too well myself. But it seems like I was into bondage back then? I get really iffy feelings when I see other people in bondage though, but that was some pretty hectic child hood back then.

I wasn’t always the person I am today. I doubt many people do retain who they were before. Or so I’ve seen. But, I wonder if I’m glad or not. And I wonder how my past self would feel if she saw me now. I don’t remember what bent me to change these last few years to become a lot more positive and inspiring person.

I think its because I made a promise to become a ideal girl for someone in Gensokyo. This way, Reimu and Marisa will like me a bit more right? And the others too.

Now that I think about it. Toyosatomimi no Miko is often called a young prince. That’s because of the origins of her character. Then, maybe, just maybe… I wonder if this.. could mean something for me. Taoism? Maybe that’s my calling.

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